One step forward – two steps back!

I found this poem I wrote some years ago (must have been beginning of 2004). Totally forgot about it, but when I read it I felt it’s so much me. And it reminded me about something I read in the Bible a few days ago.

Here’s the poem and then the scripture verses:

One step forward – two steps back!
But I’m blind for it!

Thoughts of a daughter that loves you and wants to follow you but stands in her own way!


Lord, make me humble I pray
But please don’t ask me to do something.
Lord use me I pray
But please don’t send me into Missions

Lord here I am, send me
But don’t ask me to share with people
Lord I want your love
But please don’t ask me to give to others

Lord brake me
But please not in this area
Lord, show me your way
But please don’t lead me there

Lord I am here for you,
Lord I do everything for you
Lord just you and no one else
Lord your will not mine

Please give me the willingness to mean this.

Oh Lord you have to do this
How they treat me is not fair
Lord I give it to you
So please give it back to me

Lord this is what I do for you
So please reward me
Can’t you see how good I am?
Oh Lord, help me!

Lord I am here for you
Lord I do everything for you
Lord just you and no one else
Lord your will not mine

Please give me the willingness to live this.

How foolishly I am!
As if I did something for you!
As if there is something to be proud of!
What am I?
A sinner! An old, dirty sinner washed clean by you, but still thinking I could show up with something.
So stubborn! So immature! So selfish!

And here from the Bible:

Excerpts from Isaiah 43: 22 – 25:

But, my dear people, you refuse to ask for my help. You have grown tired of me! You have not brought me […] offerings. You have not honoured me with sacrifices, though I have not burdened and wearied you with my requests […]. […] Instead you have burdened ME with your sins and wearied ME with your faults. I – yes, I alone – am the one who blots out your sins for MY OWN sake and will never think of them again.

And Isaiah 46: 3 & 4:

[…] I created you and have cared for you since before you were born. I will be your God throughout your lifetime – until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.