06 November 2008

Nearer to God …

Yesterday was my great-aunts funeral. She was only 56 years old, 1 year older then my dad, and died of cancer. 3 days before she died we celebrated my grandfathers 80th birthday and though she was already in hospital she attended as well. It was amazing how very well she knew that her life was coming to an end and how much she was still interested in each one of us. She made sure to say something personal to each person that was there that day (about 30 people) and really showed interest in life.
My mum, who basically grew up with her, said today that at times she did not like talking to her, as she was always so dead honest – she would tell you if there was something wrong even if it hurt. She took her faith in Jesus serious. You surely can’t say that it was only tradition or religion for her. She supported missions work and regularly prayed for people on her long prayer list. For example she would daily pray for my dad’s ministry and my family at 7 pm.

I never knew that one of her favourite passages in the Bible was Psalm 42. This was a psalm that has always spoken to me starting from a time when I felt really low. I posted my favourite verse yesterday evening.

It was weird to come back and attend a baby shower right afterwards. We were 9 girls and four of them are pregnant. These were all girls from my church and the majority knows each other since childhood. So there is a very relaxed atmosphere even though I would not say we are all friends. It was a nice evening and I am glad I went, but would not have mind if it would have been on a different day of the week.

When I finally came home yesterday I did not feel well – emotionally. My great-aunts death was nothing that had surprised me; still it was a very sad occasion. And you start thinking. About her life and walk with Jesus and about how my life looks like. What are values in my life? Do people see these values in me? Or are they only dreams and opinions I do not actually put into action? And then all that baby talk at the end of the day. I love babies, am glad though it is not me who is pregnant right now. Feel much too young for it still. But I would not mind being on the way into that direction (or putting it plain: I would like to have a boyfriend).

I guess it was just too many different thoughts pulling at me and dragging me into various directions. There was time to think of the past and the future, of death and new life and somehow the present seemed rather depressing. It´s going to past and I hopefully will take something valuable from it, but right now I still feel the overcast of yesterday.

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