A NEW VIEW...

It´s time for change... it has been for a while. Most of last year I felt very unsettled. Knowing, feeling that the times were changing, but not knowing in which direction. The wind blew me back to my favourite place: THE SEA!

Yes, it is time to say good bye to my little home in a small German town and start traveling again. Here is where I will be:

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul

- firm & secure"

Hebrew 6:19

EIN LICHT

Ich lass ein Licht an für dich.

Ich lass dich nicht rein. Ich werde dich nicht anbetteln und nerven.

Aber das Licht lass ich an.

Wenn du es siehst, denkst du vielleicht daran und kommst.

Vielleicht sieht es so warm und gemütlich aus, dass du willst.

Vielleicht ist es auch ganz nett da draußen.

Du siehst das Licht, aber es lädt dich nicht ein.

Es ist deine Entscheidung.

Ich lass ein Licht an für dich und die Tür ist nur angelehnt.

Von außen sieht man aber nur das Licht.

Ich warte, aber es könnte sein das ich dabei einschlafe.

FREEDOM...

…after 6 faithful years and a total of 229800 km I had to sell my car 2 weeks ago. The money I had to invest into having it run for another 2 years did not seem worth the investment. So for the last weeks I have been en joying this new freedom.

My daily life in Mosbach does not require a car. I can reach my work, super markets and many friends by foot and less than 5 minutes from my house the train stops that bring me to any bigger city in the region.

I still need to learn to calculate so I am not running late everywhere, but over all I enjoy these extra walks. Especially in the morning I realize I arrive in the office in a better mood. The walks give me time to think, to process and to plan out my day. And it gives me the opportunity to observe my surrounding, to help a person asking for the way, be on the lookout for the newest fashion that people wear, see the changes in nature or try to fend off Jehovah Witnesses, up early to hand out their leaflets.

I had to adjust by buying new shoes (might need a water proof coat as well), look for my  umbrella, learn that there is no excuse for going out in the rain, and be more considerate in what to pack for an overnight stay as I have to carry it all the way. But yes… it still is freedom!

I did enjoy the different type freedom my car gave me. To go where I wanted, when I wanted and to take with me what I wanted. But the relieve that was there when I knew that looking for parking spots, checking on fuel prices and paying for the insurance was all over now was immense. With the car gone I know as well that I am again a little less settled. I want to keep on the move, not because I don´t like where I am, but because I want to remind myself that this is not permanent. It´s not my permanent home in the big scope (that would be heaven), nor is this where I am staying many more years. And it helps me to put into practice what I believe in: living a more conscious life! I am not there (by far not), but it´s one thing less I will spend money on and be more considerate of nature.

 

So, yes it is freedom…

ON BEING A PRINCESS

Recently I had a conversation with someone about how the fairytale concept of “prince saving princess” has changed in Hollywood movies in the last decade or so into “princess safes herself, prince is allowed to watch, appreciate her victory and strength and kiss her in the end”. From being essentially important to the plot, the role of the prince has turned into a nice add on. This is not just a change in movie themes, but actually in how the western culture sees relationships. We have gone from girls depending and planning their whole life on “prince charming” to show up and change all around for the better, to saying “Girl, you are responsible for your own future, fight your fight, enjoy the victory. You can do it.”

I have never been someone in favor of the story of the helpless princess. But is the new concept really better? Don´t we belittle guys if we live as if we don´t need them? Do we girls miss out on being saved? And don´t we forget that the idea of being saved is something that is in the core a biblical concept?

"Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it.”

–The Message

When I think about this, I realize that letting someone safe you is a scary thing. “To trust him enough” is BIG and possibly requires a lot more stamina then trying to save yourself. It does for me. I want to be strong and independent. I do not want to rely on someone else. And I do want to be proud of what I have achieved. And that is the point:

“It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving.”

–The Message

Oh, and by the way: Living this new life does not mean we are sitting around in the tower doing nothing. Once we are saved – you remember that amazing big step of really trusting – we are partners in crime:

“He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.”

–The Message

 

Scripture from Ephesians 2:7-10

 

Thankful

Sometimes you have these odd things that you are suddenly thankful for that most people do not even think of.
I am thankful to be able to breath. And I am thankful to be able to smell (well, most of the time). You guessed correctly: This is about my operation.
Though happening all a lot later in the year then I had planned for I finally had my operation on July 1st. The operation went well and I really had less to struggle afterwards then I had expected hardly any pain. And the stuffed nose that I woke up with after the anesthesia did not feel half as awkward as I thought it would.
And then finally the moment where I could close my mouth and breath freely and without the feeling of not getting enough air and about to die, through my nose. Even food tasted different. Better!
Thankful for something so basic, something that every baby knows how to do.

Somewhere along the way lying in my hospital I had as well this overwhelming feeling of thankfulness for not having to pay for this whole operation, medication, care and 6 day stay in the hospital. I do not think I would have been able to afford it. Thankful for a health system that allows this.

Thankful as well for my family that took so well care of me. My mum stayed the first day with me and it was so nice to have someone care for you when you feel helpless. Most of the time I slept, but she stayed nevertheless. Then the many visits over the coming days and that I could stay first with my parents and then my aunt and family. They looked so well after me, drove me to the doctor, entertained me and let me rest when I felt weak.

Thankful for those praying and showing an interest. I never expected half as much response. Thanks for being there with me.

Thankful for now being fit again to work and look after myself. Thankful that the workload after 4 weeks of absence is not too much.

And really looking forward to the GO conference coming up in less then 3 weeks.

Thank you God!

A little story…a big picture

Last week my washing machine broke down and I eventually had to call a specialist to fix it. He came on Wednesdays and I can do my laundry again. Yeah!

Last Sunday after church a person comes up to me, tells me that we are one in Christ and all part of a big picture and that he wants to give me all the money he has with him. And true to his word he pulls out his purse and gives me everything, including the coins. I should use it for my own purposes. Astonished I thank him. He had no clue I would be at church that day.

Yesterday I received the bill from the company that fixed my washing machine. Guess what the cost was the amount of money I had received on Sunday. I only have to add 77 Cents to it.

Maybe it’s only a little story, but it means quite a bit to me. A lesson and an encouragement and a reminder at the same time.
Being a part of the big picture of what God is doing…

Being Caroline….

She is not really my favorite, Caroline Bingley, but that’s what I am right now. Let’s hope I play the role better then others before me. I will realize (hopefully) sooner that I have lost and (hopefully) not be as mean to others – or my self. But no matter what, it’s an unthankful position… It least there is no Lizzy around (as far as I know – there might be - no let’s not go there – I might start plotting). I am sure this is the first time I pity Caroline…
Jane puts it so nicely: Nobody minds having what is too good for them.

Are you lost? Then you are most likely a guy and/or not interested in Jane.


DISCLAIMER: I do not intend to insult anyone here. Should there be a guy who is offended by my comment as he knows and likes Jane – Well, you might actually solve the whole problem!

Going Home…

I was home over Easter. Home, home. “Where my parents live”-home.

Don’t you think it is funny how many places can be home at the same time?
I feel at home in Mosbach. It is my own home. But my parents place is my other home, where I lived for many years. Sometimes I just need to open the door and step in and I am back again. Back home!
I feel at home in some other places as well. At church or onboard a ship or my grandparent’s place, the house where I used to live as child and the bus that I used to take to school. Even my car is to some degree home. Ghana, and Cork and the Caribbean used to be my home, and feel so at times. Home is my office and my former work colleagues. Home is sometimes a certain song or talking to a friend and not having to explain because they just know.
There are so many different types of home really and even though it was not always easy leaving some it adds value to my life.
I love home!

the good life

So the big news of the day is.... I bought a TV set ... I know it´s really spectacular ;)
but honestly it seems exactly the same as when I bought my car (of course there was a lot more money & necessity invloved). I feel like I weighting myself down with these things. My plan is still to leave this country, but I am not going to live my life on hold. it´s a stretch between living the good life, living the life I have right now and not cluttering it with too much for what is to come. Honestly what on earth am I going to do with a TV set or couch once I am leaving this place for good? But again why should I not enjoy what I have (including the money).

Back and forth! Well for this week I settled for the good life...

ups and downs

Life is diffrent. A lot has changed and I think I am only slowly realizing some of these changes. Change is not bad, I usually prefer changes over things staying the same, but changes that you are not aware of take some time to adjust to. And this adjusting time brings ups and downs with it.
Yesterday was definiatly a up day. Went shopping and got more new cloth in one shop than I have bought in 2009 so far (I guess you can see I not much of a shoppaholic). Met some friends in beautiful Heidelberg - love that city, love my spontanious friends. And spend a nice evening with great food and some talk at a colleagues house.
And then today was a down day again. I felt lonely and got moody and all that. Self pity is a pretty stupid thing, but it´s some times hard to fight against. All trigered by something my friend said (before that the day was fine).

I love my work and during the week I am fine. I am busy during the day and love what I am doing. And in the evenings I have enough to do with shopping and cleaning and cooking and laundry and all that stuff. And there are enough activities in the week usually. But I do not like the weekends that much (strange isn´t it?).
I feel great when I am around people but not when I am by myself. It´s like my life only counts if others are around to notice and all that time by myself is not valuable enough to count. I could get myself a TV or lot´s of books and DVD´d but I do not want to. That would be a real waste of time.
I want my time to count, my life to count. But on days like today it´s hard to find out how.

My solution today was going for a long walk in the rain. It calmed me down. I talked to God and told him. Did not really hear back from him, but I feel better just having told him. Maybe I really just need to give myself more time to get used to the changes.

Fear of rejection

I am afraid of people not liking me and not liking what I do and what I am. I want everyone to think I am ok, or even better to like me. And I am way afraid of anyone rejecting me. Maybe this is to some degree only natural, but it has side effects that are really not good. I thought it is about time I grew up a bit and could stand up for what I believe and am. But here I am again afraid. I am supposed to talk to someone about a not so easy topic and I just can’t get myself around doing it. I worded it all out, it is here on my computer, but I am not having the guts to send it out. I am afraid of that person’s reaction. Arrrgh!
One day I wake up and I think it will be ok; I do not have anything to do about it. It is me who has to change, and then it will all be settled.
And the next day I just know it will not work this way. I do have to confront and be ready for what ever response will come back. And there fear kicks in. I do not even have to face that person right away, but that thought wont help.
I hate fear of man. Maybe this is my opportunity to overcome it? And what if I only make to big of a deal out of it? Ok, there is something for me to learn out there. Either it is patience or it is overcoming this fear. I just don’t know which one.
Sorry for rambling yet again, but that needed to come out. It was too distracting from work. Hope it will get better and hope I will figure out what way to go by and to bring up the strength to pull through.

Schneu schniet

I was told that when I was only a toddler I would get very excited about snow and kept pointing at the window shouting: “Schneu schniet!”
Translated from the Low German dialect (Plautdietsch) my family speaks it means: “Snow snows”. My aunt used to laugh about this duplication and that way the story is told till today.

I did not speak much “proper” German till I went to school. It was always Plautdietsch for us at home; even though we were the only family I knew speaking it. I must have heard my parents speak German and Russian, but I do not recall it.
One day in kindergarten (I must have been about 6 years old) I was asked the names of my parents and truthfully I answered: “Maria and … “and there I stopped. The other kids went on asking but I just shut up. They where teasing me about not knowing my dad’s name and asked if it was Joseph. Obviously I knew my dad’s name. But just a second before I said his name I realized that the only person I had ever heard calling him by his name was my mum. She called him “Willi”, I knew that. But I did not know if that was his Plautdietsch name or his proper, legal name. I was not sure if the name even did exist in German and afraid of being made fun of I preferred to say nothing. It did not really save me from ridicule. (By the way my dad’s name is really Willi)
It´s funny that this experience is one of the few memories I have of my kindergarten time. It seems pretty insignificant from today’s perspective, but I know that that moment influenced me. I thought life was hard enough without me having to wonder all the time if I pronounced something in German or Plautdietsch. So I stopped speaking Plautdietsch at all. My parents where fine with it, but at my grandparents place I had to hear a lot about how I was not able to speak the “real language” any more and me being proud. Till today I feel left out when people won’t include me into their little circles for understanding, but not speaking, Plautdietsch.

Back to the snow. Today it started to snow and when one of my siblings said that famous sentence, I was thinking about how weird it is that I was the one who said that one day. That that little cute girl I know from pictures and stories used to be me. That “Schneu schniet!” would be my invention and that one day years ago was speaking only Plautdietsch. Well, what truly has not changed is my excitement over snow. In that expect I am still a little kid! 

No blues (oh, and Welcome 2009)

For some people it’s the fall, when everything in and out seems grey and misty. And once the Christmas season starts it is getting better. Lights and candles and all the excitement draw you away from sad thoughts.
Well for me it’s after Christmas. Once all gifts are opened and all the cheerfulness is behind me I am getting low. The climax is usually the New Years Eve. All this talk about where everyone is going and what they what to do for these few minutes that basically change nothing but the last digit of the dates is annoying and depressing. There seems to be this urge to do something spectacular on that eve.
I usually don’t and fell like I am left out and on my own. I feel lonely between Christmas and New Years. And defiantly it is lonely in a crowd, as I have never in my life actually been more then a few days all by my self. I fear the coming of the next year. I am afraid I wasted time in the last and that the new will not be any better. I am afraid nothing will change, I will not change, and that the time I am giving is not used. I know all along that this is not the whole truth, but it is hard to tell yourself how to feel about something.
I struggle with self-pity in-between the years (how we call that time in German). I am by now used to these feelings and not shocked when they come.

Well, after I said this I am really happy to announce that I just enjoyed these last few days and New Years Eve and am so much looking forward to 2009. It was amazing to celebrate Christmas, to go to church, to meet friends, to meet relatives. I know I wasted time these last few days, but I wasted it by spending time with people that are dear to me. I still have to work a lot on my thesis and it will be hard work in the next weeks, but I am happy. No sad thoughts, no putting down blame on me that is not true, no lonely or left out feelings (though I am actually missing out on time with my family while sitting all by my self in front of my pc), no self-pity, no blues. I think someone is really looking out for me.
And I am SOOOOOO EXCITED for 2009 to come! It really is nothing in particular, just a general feeling of expecting good things, things that will be worth while and meaningful. I know they will come during this year. So Welcome 2009!

Santa is dead --- or too nice!

Another input by Peanuts.

I guess we often do the same thing with God don’t we. At least the argumentation sounds familiar.

Sorry it does not really "fit" into my blog. Don´t know how to fix it, but if you click on the comic strip you get to see the whole thing.

YOU, THEY & WHAT IT DOES TO ME or being melancholically poetic

Time heals all wounds, they say. Time will let you forget, they say. They are lying. Or do they not know? It’s not time that covers things from the past and creates something new. It’s everyday life. Someone should tell them. But that’s not possible. Just like it’s impossible to direct the wind or catch a drop in your hand, it’s impossible to talk to them. If you could it would change their essence and would make them be something they are not.
That I stopped with always, constantly thinking of you is not the work of time. No, it’s been the things that concern me daily, filling my head. It has been appointments, demands, headaches, skirmish, work and a deep conversation once in a while. But you are still there. Somewhere deep inside me. Not visible, but not buried to deep, as a petty word by them can bring you into my mind. And then you are back again. With full force and stronger then ever. They do not even realize how they provoke it. They mention your name or your memory without second thoughts, without calculating the consequences. Why should they? They are not affected by it. For them you are only one of many, a seemingly accidental choice from countless interchangeable.
For me it’s different. When you are back, I feel. Sometimes it’s pain, as if a train run me over. Then again care, a suddenly risen maternal instinct? Sometimes it’s sympathy and pity, towards you or me or both of us.
I feel like taken back in time and don’t know any more what’s better. Then? Now? I could hunger again and know all along that this time, like back then, it will change nothing. Nothing at all. Hunger is only one of many options to express my feelings. To show them openly. What good would come out of it?
My situation did not really change since then. What I have are feelings and this hope. Nothing is in reach. It will never be. When I am dead honest with myself, and when I permit their questions, I do not even know for sure if I really want to change things around.
Was my hope bigger then? Most likely, and so was the pain and the hopelessness. Today I do have my daily routine and the diversion it can offer. It’s not much.
They are asking if it’s not better now. Yes and No, I want to cry out. They know nothing. How could they. Yes, it is better not to be reminded every single day. Yes, indeed. But what if it made me living an escape? I’m exaggerating, it’s not that bad. But you are further away then ever and I know that nothing will change about it.
That’s what they say. And this time I believe them. I live where the film is over and I have to keep on acting although the happy end never came. Is my everyday life a performance?
The hope that lingers? It’s for you to experience a happy end and that I did not drag you down into this hopelessness. I will free you. You do not have to share this prison. Go and do not believe all they tell you.
Complicated are our thoughts and feelings and lives on this earth. I am yearning for the time when they do not exist any more. When even you won’t be there in me any more. When all will be splendour, glory. The fulfilment per excellence. When I will have my home where my God is.

Being able to ............................................smell!

I can see what’s going on in your head right now! “Smell?” you think. “There are way more interesting topics to write about.” Well those of you that know me a bit better might actually guess in what direction this post will go.

Since I was little (“Here she goes again. A loooong story!”) I had a problem with nasal polyps. So far I had two operations. Some people (and I seem to be one of them) have problems with polyps their whole life long.
Since months (if not years by now) I was hardly able to smell anything. Some days where better then others, but I almost got used to it. You know how I speak through my nose and I have a blocked nose most of the time.(Never leave the house without hankies.)
You might ask now why I did not go to see the doctors. Well, for two reasons: I hate to go to see a doctor. Every time I go they seem to find something worse and they hardly ever tell me about a cure with permanent effect. So I usually decide, that as long as I feel ok I won’t go. And here is the second reason: I am afraid of another operation! I hate that feeling of being sick and the pain and not being in control of what’s going on.
You might say that it basically comes down to being afraid. True! But being that honest makes me look bad.

Well, to get on with the story: Lately I was not feeling well. I hardly made it through a whole week without a headache. And I mean bad headache, the once where you almost throw up and are afraid if you will make it home safely. Then one weekend one ear started to hurt as well and I just knew that I could not ignore it any longer.

Last Thursday I had an appointment at an ear, nose and throat (ENT) physician and he basically confirmed my suspicions. The polyps are back and fully grown (Yes, it is nasty!) and an operation will most likely be necessary. But for now I got a nasal spray and antibiotics.

And hear is (“Finally!”) the deal: Since Saturday afternoon I can smell again!
I do not know why. It could be one of the three factors (or a combination):

The drugs worked and made the polyps go back. So far this never happened in previous cases.
The short trip to the Netherlands and the salty ocean air there helped as I was in the Netherlands on Saturday.
God just gave me a little gift and answered my (and others) prayers.

Whatever the reason I feel so blessed being able to smell the fresh air in the morning, the food my mother is preparing or a caramel cappuccino or a flower I pass by or the scent of my shampoo or the damp soil after a rain. Those are the little things most people do not even notice, but to me it feels like the world as been opened up a bit.
I know that the polyps are still there and an operation might still be necessary but being able to smell again for more then just a few hours feels so good! Thank you, father!

Love song

I have been listing to some music on the radio today and really had to laugh about my train of thoughts after a love song. This lady (I do not know who was singing the song) claimed that she knew her boyfriend/ husband would put nothing above her. Fist I thought that sounds good. She knows that she is special to someone, really special. I found myself on the verge of envying her. I was kind of wondering why I did not have such a special person. No real deep thoughts (as I was peeling potatoes). Do I have too high expectations?
And that was the point where I had to laugh, because actually my expectations are far below what this girl was singing about: I would WANT a guy to put me SECOND PLACE in his life (if not even 3rd or 4th)!!!
Well, I guess in general I should stick a bit more to a good advice someone once gave me: It’s not good to listen to too many love songs!
Ok, this was a pretty personal post, but that was just what came to my head today and so I’ll share it with you.
By the way, I’m spending most of my day with my studies again. Right now I’m reading about tuberculosis and social hygiene in the beginning of the 20th century. Anyone interested in hearing some about it? I guess not! :o)

Logos II vs. Logos Hope

He, he, he, he! I know the title is a bit provoking, but here it finally comes: The report of my visit to Croatia. It was a mixture of many emotions. Joy, concern, excitement, tiredness, memories, feeling at home, bewilderment, feeling special, feeling forgotten, new challenges, etc.

But let me start from the beginning. For a while I have been thinking of using the time Logos II was in Croatia for a combined visit of the two ships (Logos Hope is being rebuilt in a yard there). But caused by exams and some other issues I did not really have time to seriously consider a trip. Until Tuesday (13th Feb.) and there I realized my only option would be to go the following day. So I surprised everyone (and shocked myself a bit) by being in Croatia 12 hours after I first mentioned going. I really believe it was God helping me arranging everything.
So there I was in Trogir as a project worker on Logos Hope. It was great to finally see this HUGE ship that is going to replace Logos II. Wow! They gave me a tour and I was totally lost. Until the end of the visit I figured out how to find my working places (deck 5 & 6), the temporary dinning room, the bath room and the exit! :o)
What did I do? Painting window frames. There where 3 coats of grey and 2 coats of white to be applied. It was cool getting to know a few people while doing so (Steven, Tom, Donna & Stephan – thank you for making the work fun).
On Friday night, Saturday and Sunday I was on board Logos II in Split! Seriously it felt like being at home again. I enjoyed walking around, remembering experiences at various spots, praying and thanking God about this unexpected gift. Very special to meet up with those that I still knew on board and I even met a few new people. It was good to have the time to really talk with some of you. It’s amazing how God works in your lives and though sometimes you find yourself in difficult situations he is right there with you. Thank you for making me feel at home and part of the ministry. I had to be careful not to fall back into the “we” when talking about OM and the ships. :o) There where as well some surprises of people being onboard I had met but had not heard of them joining the ship.
A very special blessing for me was staying the last two nights in Croatia on board Logos II (I even had a cabin in A2!).

This time got me start thinking about a few issues and one or the other I want to share with you. Here are my lessons from 8 exciting days back with OM:

1. Logos Hope – there are great opportunities waiting for this vessel! The ministry side is amazing. And crew will have a much nicer life on board. Used to think life was pretty easy on Logos II. Well, Logos Hope brings even more luxury. Somehow my attitude towards this ship has changed (not really because of it’s luxury). It’s not any more the replacement of “my” Logos II, but a own reality. It has to be a totally new thing!

2. Good seeing or hearing of some of the problems on Logos II. Not that the problems are good in itself, but it helped me to remember that the ship is not perfect. Sometimes you forget after a while away. I do not want to put Logos II (or some people) as my ideal, but Jesus Christ himself.

3. I had time to remember where I came from. Some things changed in my life after OM. Some needed to change, but in some areas I got too relaxed. I had to ask myself again what my plans where when I went home. What where my dreams? Where am I now? What is my vision? Am I still growing? (Still working on these thoughts.)

4. Though Logos II felt like home and Logos Hope is filled with promises of a great ministry I can say now for sure: This was my final line! I can’t see God calling me back at this time. If this is the closure of a stage or if I will never return again, I can’t say for now. (Had some moments thinking about being onboard with an own family. But as there is no husband or children in sight, these thoughts where very theoretical.) It was not hard to say good bye. I went on boat deck just before I left and was praying and suddenly God filled me with such a joy, that I almost started crying. Logos II has been an amazing blessing to my life and its ministry is going on. Now there are other lives being transformed.

It’s good that the ships where in Croatia. Croatia, Water, Missions and Logos II stand in a combination for me. In Croatia, while on a day trip on a little boat, I made my first move in the direction of Mission. That was the first time I told God I wanted to be used by him. That was about 7 years ago. Stunning to reflect on the years past and to see how God had (and of course still has) a plan for my life, though I found it so hard to believe at age 16.

So here it comes: the next step! Don’t know where it will lead me, but as long as the direction is “nearer to God” I do not need to know.


P.S. If you want to know more about my trip or some people I met onboard feel free to contact me.

P.P.S. I’ll write about my trip to Switzerland as soon as I have some pictures.

GOD AT WORK

I’m REALLY tired (just fall asleep in front of the TV) but wanted to share this with you. I was at work today and somehow while working along and talking to God and thinking (it can be a pretty monotonous work sometimes) this song came to my mind. I’m not sure it’s exists in English. In German it goes like this: “Gott hört dein Gebet, er hört dein Gebet. Er versteht was sein Kind bewegt. Gott hört dein Gebet.” Translated it means: “God hears your prayer and understands what’s on your heart.” The moment the song came to my mind it felt as if God gave me a promise. It seemed as if a prayer had been answered. This might sound a bit crazy! It felt like a confirmation that God will carry me and has a plan for my future. It was like a little hug in the business of life.
Somehow a few hours later I was not feeling hugged anymore. A colleague gave me a short answer, I was asked to tidy up a bit and another guy could not help me when I needed his assistance. He is the one that brings the books to the place where I have to pick them up. Though a quite and easy going person he was a bit annoyed with me asking him again to help and signalled that it would take some time until he would be free. A bit frustrated, tired and not in the best mood anymore I tried to go on with my work. In my head I started one of these talks with God. “So, what was that about you answering my prayer and knowing how I feel? I do not feel great right now. I guess I just made that up in my head.” And on I went, in the usually manner. “Actually I did not even ask you for something. So what prayer did you answer?” And there it was: “I know you. I know what you need be for you ask for it.” I was just about to reason that away as my colleague showed up and asked how he could help me. I felt humbled. Not only did this colleague make time for me (and I’m sure God was behind that as well) but there I was reasoning with God about whether he spoke to me or not while he only wanted to assure me. Assure me of his love and care and presence. I still don’t really understand this experience. But it was real. And I know there is an answered prayer though I never formed the words to that prayer. That’s how God is.

I hope you don’t find this too freaky. Reading this from someone else I might as well be wondering. But it was a very real experience with God and I thought it might encourage you as well one way or the other.

one of these days

Don’t really know what’s wrong today. But I feel kind of empty. Weird feeling! Do you know these days where everything seems grey? Well, this is one of them.
Does not really help that I have to be at Uni at 6 p.m. tonight and read a paper! Arrrrrrrghhhh!
Ever talked about such an interesting topic as, well wait a moment, think about a really boring topic, something you would really believe no one around you is interested. Came up with something?
Let me know, but I am sure it’s not as bad as.............................Forest! Yes, trees! Lot’s of green trees! A forest! You can see I’m really excited about it.

I’m aware that there are people that do like forests and there are others that are making sure we take good care of them, (and that is important) but I think that most people are not really eager to listen for 20 minutes how some one tries to show them the importance of trees. And I hate being that person tonight.
Ok, enough about that!

I decided to post a bit more regularly and add some discussion questions. I would like to be a bit more communicating with you guys. What about: Do you like trees, for today? Just kiding! :o) Hope I don’t forget in the business of life. You know how it goes.

Oh, and do you remember my excitement about the promised and never arrived snow? This weekend we had 20° C (about 68 Fahrenheit). Not exactly the right temperatures for snow. It’s starting to get a bit colder. But we are still well over 10 ° C. We will need some patience to wait for snow I guess. Too bad!

I still don’t really feel better, but it’s good to write anyways. Hope I did not disturb your good mood. Tomorrow it will be better. I’m sure!