I am afraid of people not liking me and not liking what I do and what I am. I want everyone to think I am ok, or even better to like me. And I am way afraid of anyone rejecting me. Maybe this is to some degree only natural, but it has side effects that are really not good. I thought it is about time I grew up a bit and could stand up for what I believe and am. But here I am again afraid. I am supposed to talk to someone about a not so easy topic and I just can’t get myself around doing it. I worded it all out, it is here on my computer, but I am not having the guts to send it out. I am afraid of that person’s reaction. Arrrgh!
One day I wake up and I think it will be ok; I do not have anything to do about it. It is me who has to change, and then it will all be settled.
And the next day I just know it will not work this way. I do have to confront and be ready for what ever response will come back. And there fear kicks in. I do not even have to face that person right away, but that thought wont help.
I hate fear of man. Maybe this is my opportunity to overcome it? And what if I only make to big of a deal out of it? Ok, there is something for me to learn out there. Either it is patience or it is overcoming this fear. I just don’t know which one.
Sorry for rambling yet again, but that needed to come out. It was too distracting from work. Hope it will get better and hope I will figure out what way to go by and to bring up the strength to pull through.